Okay, so let me get this straight... Tom, mild manored clean cut kid who never did anything wrong, has no gang connections, stand up citizen and all, helping little old ladies across the street in his spare time, etc. gets "jumped". He did nothing, whatesoever, to provoke said "jumping". [If you buy that, I have a bridge for sale] Rather than call the police, right then and there after defending himself, he slinks away and lies low for a while. That way, after 7 months, it doesn't so much look like self defense, but looks like Tom did this in a premeditated fashion [which he most likely did]. None of the fine upstanding citizens in his circle of friends who know what happend thinks to perform their civic duty and call the police [instead, they play the idiotic "nobody snitch" card, a philosophy that only causes more and more crime as criminals are free to walk the streets, causing even more harm to the community that is dutifully not snitching]. Tom's "girl next door" of a girlfriend, so sweet and innocent (most certainly a virgin I might add), gets shot 3 times. Of course, Tom could not be to blame in any way shape or form. He doesn't hang out with gang members, so rival gang members never come by gunning for Tom or perhaps trying to punish Tom by busting a cap in said girlfriend. Surely the 3 gunshots she recieved were some kind of hunting accident! But under the influence of pain killers in the hospital, somehow she comes under the delusion that Tom has a sketchy life, nerdowell friends, and somehow the bullets removed from her body must have been his fault. Suddenly she remembers the whole "jumping" incident, and recalls that she never got around to calling her local polite and friendly police officer to report the incident. So, while the police are there to investigate her hunting accident, she tells them that Tom hurt the boy who's now on life support. [Did I mention I have a bridge for sale.] But now, unfortunately, because Tom never called the police to report the attack, they don't believe him when he claims it was self defense. They think Tom actually assaulted the other guy and not the other way around. [It's a very nice bridge - actually it's in New York, Brooklyn to be exact.] Trust me, when the police find out about all these misunderstandings, what a bad spin the poor pain killer influenced girlfriend has put on this oh so wholesome series of unfortunate events, while they will all have a good chuckle and let old Tom out of jail with a complementary doughnut in hand. [Really, it's such a nice bridge, I hate to let it go, but alas my stocks have tanked and I really need the money.] Or, if Tom is unlucky enough to live in the real world, well, they are going to throw his gangbang'n *** in jail where it belongs and melt down the key for scrap metal.